I feel like I'm being swallowed up by the same feeling time and time again - that feeling is called loneliness. I can't shake it. I can't wipe it off. Everywhere I turn, it's blaring me in the face reminding me that I'm on my own; that I have to fight this battle on my own.
How do you grow when you have no roots, nothing to support you? How do you sustain life when you feel so thirsty all the time?
I feel screwed. When you're a child, that is when you develop your roots. That is when you build lifelong relationships. I'm so lost and confused about my roots...or lack thereof. I'm so confused about who I am and what I'm supposed to do.
I don't even feel like I have family. I feel my family has turned their backs on me because I'm not getting better. Are my expectations too high? My friends all live in different parts of the world and have moved forward with their lives...they've made new lives for themselves. I want to do the same, but I just don't know how. I've gone so far in the other direction that I wouldn't even know how to begin to start anew. I wouldn't even know how to mend the brokenness.
I don't know how to fit in. I've lost my chameleon flair that TCKs are so good at. I don't see the point of trying to be someone you're not. There is such irony in that statement, though because I know who I'm not, but I don't know who I am.
I want to be like this tree.
How do you grow when you have no roots, nothing to support you? How do you sustain life when you feel so thirsty all the time?
I feel screwed. When you're a child, that is when you develop your roots. That is when you build lifelong relationships. I'm so lost and confused about my roots...or lack thereof. I'm so confused about who I am and what I'm supposed to do.
I don't even feel like I have family. I feel my family has turned their backs on me because I'm not getting better. Are my expectations too high? My friends all live in different parts of the world and have moved forward with their lives...they've made new lives for themselves. I want to do the same, but I just don't know how. I've gone so far in the other direction that I wouldn't even know how to begin to start anew. I wouldn't even know how to mend the brokenness.
I don't know how to fit in. I've lost my chameleon flair that TCKs are so good at. I don't see the point of trying to be someone you're not. There is such irony in that statement, though because I know who I'm not, but I don't know who I am.
I want to be like this tree.
[Tree of Life, Bahrain]
This is the "Tree of Life" in Bahrain. I loved going to visit this tree as a child. I was fascinated by its beauty and its vast expanding roots. Yet, it grew all alone in the desert with little to no other vegetation around! Despite the harsh conditions that surround it, the Tree of Life is a type of tree with one of the deepest known root systems.
I feel like the tree in the sense that I am surrounded by barrenness; surrounded by emptiness. But that is a problem with my perception. Sometimes I become jaded by life's harsh realities instead of digging deeper and recognizing the life that is bubbling inside. I forget the positive. I forget the beauty.
I feel like the tree in the sense that I am surrounded by barrenness; surrounded by emptiness. But that is a problem with my perception. Sometimes I become jaded by life's harsh realities instead of digging deeper and recognizing the life that is bubbling inside. I forget the positive. I forget the beauty.
But I want to dig deep and have roots that search out truth and life. I want to cling tight to nourishment everlasting. I want to find a stream of living water. I want to hold up regardless of what conditions and/or situations are going on around me. I want to bloom. I want to grow wherever I'm planted. I want to flourish in the desert.
