Personal Struggles with not knowing I was a TCK

In my last post, I stated that I would write about coping mechanisms - which I will - but for now, I'm still trying to figure all of this stuff out and figure myself out.

I did not have the language or knowledge to know I was going to be smacked in the face with reverse culture shock. I was quite naive and figured, I have heard all the stories about my folks growing up in the States and we vacationed there pretty much every summer since we moved abroad, moving to the States will be a piece of cake!

I really was ok my first two years in the US. I jumped right into the college lifestyle and got involved. We all were new and trying to make the best out of our situation while attempting to study and get good grades (with the occasional justification of sleeping in instead of going to that 8 a.m. class). I would travel with the band I was involved in, getting to stay with host families and traveling to all kinds of different churches while we performed. I loved it!

My issues arose when my folks left the Azores and moved to Germany. When I went "home" for Christmas that first time after they had moved (end of my sophomore year), all my anger set in, but at the time I was experiencing emotions without cognitively understanding why. I started dreading going with friends to their homes for the holidays. I would get so angry and incredibly jealous with their traditions and family gatherings. Little did I know that once I left the Azores for college, my traditions with my family - what I knew - was all gone. It was all fun and games until reality set in and I was fending on my own.

I was (and still am) really good at getting to know people for the first time. But nobody asked me about my family, my likes, my traditions. And ten years later, I still have a very difficult time remembering what I did as a child, what traditions we had, all the awesome memories and experiences....because now I associate that with people not wanting anything to do with me because they don't understand.

What happened was not only did I lose my home, when I started having anger issues, my classmates and friends at my university started backing away from me. So, I also lost the support and friendship I had started to rely on. That experience was quite traumatic....and I'm already a very sensitive person.

I wanted to move away from that place, from Tennessee, after I dropped out of school and lost the friends I once had. I wanted to start my life anew and thought that my husband's family would take the place of my family. But again I was met with blank stares, misunderstanding, and nobody really trying to get to know me for who I was. All they could see was this girl with a lot of issues. Tired. Depressed. Emotional. Withdrawn. Defeated.

I do NOT regret the way I grew up AT ALL!! I want to make that clear. I just wish I could remember it better. I wish I had enough confidence in myself and had others supporting me through that transitional time.

I can look back now and start putting pieces of the puzzle together. But I'm still lonely and I still don't have many people to rely on. I admit that it is quite painful to talk openly about this. Part of me feels ashamed that I didn't realize I was going through transitional issues. Part of me feels bad that now that I'm beginning to understand, I should instantly snap out of my depression. I see others who embrace their unique TCK lifestyle. I see others who are thriving, successful, and helpful to others and I wonder what good I've done...if anything.

All of this makes me feel incredibly empty on the inside. I often feel alone in my struggles and it hurts so much when others don't understand, let alone care to understand, and I'm left to continue with these struggles on my own.

Internationalization in American Universities

The struggles I faced with repatriation into the United States just strengthen my passion to go into international education and promote the need for internationalization in our higher institutions and then hopefully within our communities.

According to a couple of articles I’ve read, internationalization in higher ed is seen as a positive. However, not many educators can provide a substantial amount of data to support WHY it is so positive. The International Association of Universities (IAU) releases an annual report called the Global Survey Report on Internationalization in Higher Education. From their most current report released, the following have been noted as the top reasons or the importance for internationalization.

“Worldwide, the top five reasons for internationalizing an institution are, in order of importance, to improve student preparedness; internationalize the curriculum; enhance the international profile of the institution; strengthen research and knowledge production; and diversify its faculty and staff.”

Maybe I’m a wee bit bias and I haven’t been in the industry that long, but I get rather annoyed that higher education loves the idea of diversity. They love the idea of bringing in as many international students as possible. But why? I don’t see the reasoning behind American institutions desire for international students beyond the want to build up their industry. More international students = more money for the institution. In his article “Wanted: Foreign Students,”Schacter (2007) explains that “These students and their families contribute more than $13 billion a year to the American economy, much of it in the form of tuition“. If I felt institutions wanted to promote diversity for the sake of internationalization and not JUST because monies from foreign students bring in big bucks for the economy, I wouldn’t have such an issue.

So…here is my own personal reasoning for the importance of internationalization.

It is in all of our best interest to recognize that our world is becoming smaller. No, not smaller in the sense that there are less people on the surface of the earth, but smaller in the fact that our communication abilities are faster and increasingly globalized. I get that I grew up overseas, but I NEVER thought I would hear from or speak to the majority of my international friends again once I moved state-side. Facebook has opened a door of communication and allowed me to keep in contact with my childhood friends who are now spread far and wide across the world!

Due to the fact that our world is becoming smaller, and the fact that all cultures share one thing in common – this earth – why wouldn’t it be in our best interest to learn to interact with those from around the world? Why wouldn’t it be in our best interest to open our minds to differences?

This is where being a TCK has given me bounds and leaps of opportunities to interact, learn to understand, and appreciate differences across the nations. I am still learning and I hope to never stop learning!! I love the idea of internationalization. I just hope American universities want to incorporate their idea for the right reasons and not just for monetary gains. It will take time and it will take effort. I hope to become part of the learning process for these universities, though.

10-Year Grieving Process

I never cried when it seemed appropriate. I didn’t cry when I left Bahrain. I didn’t cry when I left the Azores. In fact, I was relieved because I had a very bad couple of experiences on my way back to the island for the last time. Maybe it was a way to help me through the process. If I was mad that would cover up the sadness. That’s often how my depression shows its face – through anger.

I’ve only been to a handful of funerals in my time and I don’t know how to grieve. I think that’s one reason why I have such emotional outburst during PMDD. It has to come out sometime and I’ve been harboring a lot of pain, a lot of emotion for quite a long time.

I have been trying to survive for so long. I have been trying to stay afloat and not drown in the seemingly endless amounts of emotions that overtake me month after month. Now that I’m not in survival mode anymore, I’m beginning to find out who I am again…or rather, who I am now. Our past will always be a part of us, but I don’t want to stay stagnant in the same place forever. I don’t want to sit wishing upon wishes that my life could be the way it used to be because by doing that I’m missing out on so much that is going on right now.

I’m grateful for the experiences and the life I’ve had. I’m so blessed to have grown up overseas and met the awesome people I have. I have so much more to look forward to.

I’m not slow and I’m not dumb, but it has taken me 10 years to recognize that I had a difficult time acclimating back to the United States, my passport county. It has taken me a long time to realize that I have been lonely and upset because I lost people that I considered close to me. I’ve grown distant. I’ve shut myself off. I use to be a very touchy-feely person. Always giving hugs and cuddling with my roommates. We need that from each other. We need each other. People need people. My faith has been tested big time, but I’m still growing. I’m still adapting. I’m still learning. I’m still sensitive. I’m just a heck of a lot more knowledgeable now and not groping for answers in the dark. This awareness won’t necessarily enable others to “get it”, but that’s ok. I’m beginning to have confidence in me. I’m beginning to heal. I’m beginning to live my life the way I was intended to.

I will still have bad days, I guarantee it. I will still have days that I cry and it may seem like for no reason…but deep down I’ll understand that it’s probably for multiple reasons.

I’m grateful for my tears because my body needs a release. I’m grateful for my pain because it’s validation that the life I lived was real…that I am real….that I feel and exist. I’m grateful for my experiences because they are making me into the person that I am. I'm grateful for the grieving process, no matter how long it takes....and it takes everyone a different amount of time and down a different path.

I feel like I'm finally ready to begin living my life.

Serve

I'm not feeling well today. I feel like so much of me...who I was doesn't exist anymore. I say that I'm not from the states, yet I don't feel cultural at all nor do I feel American. It's like I exist in this in between stage - this limbo.

I do get tired of the depressed feelings. I do get tired of not being able to maintain the happiness that happens to befall upon me.

I'm bored and I'm restless. I need a change. I've been going to school for way too long. I've been feeling "stuck" for way too long and it's sucking what little bit of life there is left out of me.

My goal is to genuinely try to focus on others. To genuinely listen and take in what others are saying either verbally or non-verbally. I want to get the most out of my experiences rather than continue to wait around for things to change because by doing that, I'm letting this short life slip away day by day, moment by moment.

My goal is to genuinely pour out love to others in ways that they need - not in ways that I need. I've often heard that by giving to others, it helps one become less focused on self and feel a greater purpose. I'm ready for my greater purpose and if all it is is to give others a smile or a hug, I'm ready.


Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. ~ Philippians 2:3-4

Developmental Change

For so long, I’ve viewed being a TCK – someone with no roots – as a negative, when in fact there are a lot of positive attributes associated with my ability to be flexible, malleable, pliable.
Society has a tendency to look at something and/or someone and label them with one name. The “naughty boy,” the “happy couple, the” alcoholic,” the ”emotional girl,” etc. When we do that, it connotes stagnation; it doesn’t imply the ability to ever learn from our past mistakes or change.

Being a TCK has allotted me the opportunity to interact with people from a multitude of different cultures. I’m talking cultures from different countries, but also cultural differences within one country. Culture can even be described as the differences between men and women.

I would like to pride myself on being someone who is at a stage in development and someone who is always willing and able to mold, shift, change, become, and thrive with whatever the world throws at me. I’ve been so focused on not fitting in and meshing with the American culture that I’ve been blinded to the positivity growing up overseas has given me.

From now on, I will try to see people for who they are: living, changing, ever-growing human beings. We all have the chance and opportunity to learn from our past and become who we want to be and for that, I’m truly grateful to be a TCK; to allow myself to developmentally change and blossom.

Global Citizen

There is a lot that I'm learning and beginning to accept about myself. I think I always knew a lot of these things, but when I moved to the States....everything I did - everything I was became wrong.

I've come to recognize and accept that most people do not talk about cultural things or even really acknowledge the existence of their own culture in everyday life. Being a TCK doesn't really warrant you that opportunity. It becomes second nature to be inquisitive and interested in most all things culture latent.

That being said, I'm curious if other TCK's are this way:

I have a hard time telling others what I think. More specific, I have a hard time developing an opinion about much of anything. This is a phenomenon that seems to be more prevalent the older I become.



When I was younger, as I'm sure it is for the majority of people from any culture, I grasped onto my parent's culture. They are Christian. They are educators. My mom is from the south so we had cornbread and black-eyed peas for New Year's eve. My dad is from the north so we always had to have a pastie when we went up to the U.P. (Upper Peninsula of Michigan). I know those are only a few things that I'm naming and a lot had to do with food, but hopefully you get my point. I've mentioned this in other posts, but I was drawn to the stories my parents would tell longing for the day that I could live in the States and participate in a similar lifestyle. I dreamed of having a family and being a career woman. Oddly enough, I never dreamed about traveling much. I had set in my mind that I was an American and that I was going to live a very similar lifestyle that my own parents did.

They say that TCK's go through a delayed adolescence. I see the truth in that. It's been a long time coming and I'm still discovering who I am. Perhaps that's why I'm attracted to all things personality...but even more than that - I think it's a TCK trait.

We are very good at observing our surroundings. We don't often give our opinions right away because we want to discover what the "norm" is and that "norm" has changed so often in our lives that, as stated earlier, it becomes second nature. We want to figure out who you are before we allow ourselves to jump in.

I use to think being a chameleon was a sign of being untrue to oneself, but I'm slowly realizing the positive value in my capabilities. I have the ability to understand a wide variety of people with little to no judgement. I have a want to understand who people are and their backgrounds.

Yes, it becomes lonely when you're the only one asking questions. Yes, it becomes confusing when you're only learning about other people and not taking the time to discover who you really are. Many TCK's struggle with identity and rootlessness and it's very understandable. I believe those things have contributed greatly to my depression and PMDD. However, I'm accepting that this IS part of my identity and there is nothing wrong with it. It feels odd to not fully immerse yourself in one culture. People look at you funny or can't always understand or want to understand, but the beauty is that we are true global citizens. We are not closed off to one way of being. We are mailable, flexible, ever-learning people.

For once in my life I can say I'm proud of where I've been. I'm proud of who I've become and I'm looking forward to this continued journey!

Resistance to Only Accepting One Culture

I was watching one of my favorite new shows the other day, Pan Am. The particular episode I watched entailed the crew flying a charter flight full of reporters to Berlin because President Kennedy was giving a speech. P.S. The show takes place in the 1960's. One of the stewardesses is of French nationality. In this episode, you find out that she is very bitter against the Germans because the Nazi's killed her family when she was little.

What I took away from that episode is that I don't have much national pride towards the United States, my passport country. Please understand that I'm not saying I hate America, I'm just stating that being a TCK has thwarted me from feeling a sense of nationality towards any one country.

We would come back to the States every summer to visit. So, this country was viewed as vacation time - as family time - as relaxing time. I use to dream about what it would be like to live in the different cities and towns we passed through. I would peer out the van window (because we always rented a van to travel cross the states) and dream up lovely stories about life in the United States. These dreams and stories became enhanced as I listened to the stories my parents would tell about their childhood in the US....but they were just that to me. Stories. I don't remember much of my childhood before we left to live abroad. I was only six-years old when we left. Vacation time was filled with shopping and fast food restaurants and the Disney channel - all the things we couldn't get living in our remote homes.

Because we came back to the States in the summer time, we would always end up watching the 4th of July fireworks. I loved the colors and the ones that sizzled. HATED the ones that just exploded like a bombs. I would always cover my ears and wait for the pretty ones to soar back into the air!


Just like the dreams and idealistic stories I made up in my head about living in the US, watching the fireworks was pretty much the same thing to me. I don't know many kids (young kids) that truly understand the importance of why fireworks are lit on the 4th of July. I was one of those kids. It was just like any other piece of history I had been dragged along to see (yes, sorry that was my interpretation of all our historical visits).

We went to London three different times. We went to West Minister Abby and saw where all these famous people had been buried. I was surrounded by rich history. We went to the Tower of London and the thing that sticks out in my mind are the stakes that lined the walkways, stained in blood from the many heads shoved onto them after being chopped off so the crows could eat it....BLECH!

It was like I was walking amongst a real-life story, but none of it seemed real to me. It seemed like I was always watching, but never fully partaking; always an outsider observing the mannerisms, ways, and behaviors of others even at such a young age.

I don't partake in politics because, just like the fireworks, I didn't think it pertained to me. We had the news on in our house a lot in Bahrain 1. Because we were limited to the channels we had and 2. Because we moved over there right before the Gulf War started. Now that I live in the US, I still don't partake in politics and don't get why the nation as a whole is consumed with it. That's just my opinion.

I don't partake in sports and find it silly that Americans get so into and hardcore about sports. Sure, Europeans were big into football (soccer). Sure, the Portuguese loved their bull fights and letting the bulls run.

I think I become apprehensive and resistant to accepting "American Culture" because I'm expected to accept it as my sole culture and that's not who I am. I want to be able to observe and watch from afar, but I can't really do that now as a citizen. I'm expected to share the same national sense and pride....but I just don't. I haven't changed the way I do things. I've always watched from afar and participated when I felt like I could, but never fully immersed myself into any one culture because I wasn't part of that culture. Now that I am back "home," I'm looked at as strange because I don't dive right in.




I wonder if I ever will - or if I'll continually watch from the sidelines, taking it all in?

The Misfit

I am a square peg being forced into a round hole. Guess what? I don't fit. Maybe if I turn just right, I can get an edge through. That is how my life feels. It feels like I twist and turn and am forced by society's standards to fit through this round hole. But no matter how many ways I'm twisted and forced to conform, my shape - the essence of who I am - cannot be changed.


That edge that I can fit through, it is like the tip of an iceberg in a round about way in this society's world.

Being a TCK, this analogy is best way I can describe how I fit into my passport culture...or rather, how only a teeny tiny part of me fits.

You know that other analogy about how life is compared to a play and we're all actors playing different roles at different times in our lives? I would like to take the same concept and modify it using an analogy of shoes.

There are some shoes that are appropriate for certain situations and not for others. Or the shoes that are super cute, but incredibly uncomfortable.

I equate these shoes to the roles we play in life. It's hard to find a pair that fits just right, but when we do find those magical shoes we don't ever want to take them off.

Flip flops are my magical shoes. I would wear them every day if I could. They do not create blisters on my heels. They can easily be put on or taken off. I feel free to be me. However, I can't wear flip flops in certain social settings. I'm forced to put on heels or other uncomfortable shoes to fit that standard.


What happens in life when we are forced to wear uncomfortable shoes that don't fit all of the time? Physical pain. I was walking in a pair of shoes the other day and I was in such pain that it caused me to change the way I walked. How often has this happened in our lives? We've been forced to be a certain way and succumb to what society expects us to be.


There are times that we are free to wear the shoes that identify us for who we are. We are comfortable and we will wear those shoes as long as we possibly can. But shoes can and will get worn out - there are times in our lives that we have to move on. We'll have to buy new shoes and either deal with the uncomfortableness until the pain is unbearable or keep searching for a new pair of shoes to break in.


I use to have a pair of shoes - a time in my life - when I was happy, carefree, and just me. My surroundings changed, though. My friends changed. My life changed drastically and my favorite pair of "shoes" were gone. All the "shoes" and roles I've been trying to fit into lately are a misfit. They are painful or just not appropriate for the occasion. I'm trying to find a new pair that will fit where I'm at right now. I've been walking around way too long in a pair that is incredibly uncomfortable. I'm tired of trying to conform to who and what society wants me to be. I'm tired of trying to wear shoes that change the way I walk, change the way I act. I want another pair of magical flip flops for this time of my life! What kind of shoes have you been walking around in? What are your magic shoes?

Flourish in the Desert

I feel like I'm being swallowed up by the same feeling time and time again - that feeling is called loneliness. I can't shake it. I can't wipe it off. Everywhere I turn, it's blaring me in the face reminding me that I'm on my own; that I have to fight this battle on my own.

How do you grow when you have no roots, nothing to support you? How do you sustain life when you feel so thirsty all the time?

I feel screwed. When you're a child, that is when you develop your roots. That is when you build lifelong relationships. I'm so lost and confused about my roots...or lack thereof. I'm so confused about who I am and what I'm supposed to do.

I don't even feel like I have family. I feel my family has turned their backs on me because I'm not getting better. Are my expectations too high? My friends all live in different parts of the world and have moved forward with their lives...they've made new lives for themselves. I want to do the same, but I just don't know how. I've gone so far in the other direction that I wouldn't even know how to begin to start anew. I wouldn't even know how to mend the brokenness.

I don't know how to fit in. I've lost my chameleon flair that TCKs are so good at. I don't see the point of trying to be someone you're not. There is such irony in that statement, though because I know who I'm not, but I don't know who I am.

I want to be like this tree.

[Tree of Life, Bahrain]

This is the "Tree of Life" in Bahrain. I loved going to visit this tree as a child. I was fascinated by its beauty and its vast expanding roots. Yet, it grew all alone in the desert with little to no other vegetation around! Despite the harsh conditions that surround it, the Tree of Life is a type of tree with one of the deepest known root systems.

I feel like the tree in the sense that I am surrounded by barrenness; surrounded by emptiness. But that is a problem with my perception. Sometimes I become jaded by life's harsh realities instead of digging deeper and recognizing the life that is bubbling inside. I forget the positive. I forget the beauty.

But I want to dig deep and have roots that search out truth and life. I want to cling tight to nourishment everlasting. I want to find a stream of living water. I want to hold up regardless of what conditions and/or situations are going on around me. I want to bloom. I want to grow wherever I'm planted. I want to flourish in the desert.

Dissatisfaction is Ensuing

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.“ ~ Audre Lorde


Everything starts to mesh together. I can’t tell what is making me feel like what. If didn’t give a crap as to “why” so much, it wouldn’t really matter.

But here I am; dissatisfaction is ensuing. It’s not as hard to explain to others why this feeling exists. It is difficult, however, to accept the reality that they don’t really and truly get it. How do I know? I can see it in their eyes. I can see it in their body language. I can see it in their actual language. It’s written all over them.

I’ve been back in the US now for almost nine years. It’s been about seven that my strings have been cut from going back “home”; going back overseas on a regular basis.
And I’m becoming someone that I never thought I would be come. It’s not bitterness. No. I accept that I’m bitter and I’ll openly admit that to anyone. The truth is, I’m becoming judgmental and intolerant of the people around me. I NEVER thought I would see the day when I would become so angry and full of hatred towards those that don’t know any better.

I always tried to be understanding of people’s backgrounds. I always tried to be understanding of differences. I still accept a large majority of differences in diverse people, but I’m losing that ability to be flexible with people that look like me. People who are American like me. Perhaps I’m deflecting the actions others have shown. Or perhaps I’m so sick and tired of not being understood that now the pendulum has swung so far the other direction.

In relationships, it’s said that you cannot change another person. You only have control over you – your thoughts – your actions. So why must I constantly struggle with not feeling accepted amongst my own people. I say I’m full of anger and hatred for people that don’t “know better,” but I feel that people SHOULD know better!
Our world is becoming more globalized every single day. We can only hide our faces from the reality of this for so long. We live on one planet. We share the same space. We share the same air. No, we don’t all share the same language or same foods. No, we don’t have the same customs or traditions. But we are all human. We share the commonalities of what humans feel. We love. We hurt. We need. We know joy. We know sorrow. We know family. There are some things that make us similar! As the quote states below,though, we must learn to respect each others differences.


“In the end we are all separate: our stories, no matter how similar, come to a fork and diverge. We are drawn to each other because of our similarities, but it is our differences we must learn to respect.” ~ Confucius

Grief

I wish I could rip this day - this feeling out like a page in a magazine and then crumble it up and toss it away.

I say its hard because it truly is. I want to take a day off, but I can't. I have to keep pushing through. I thought everything would be hunky dorey once I started using the progesterone cream on a regular basis and I must admit, the swings aren't as severe...but man, they're still there!

I laid in bed and just cried last night. I was finally able to cry about my losses....and I think there will be plenty more times to come like that. At first I didn't want to and I laid there with a tissue over my face trying to keep back the sobs that were welling up inside. I tried to hold it back, but then I said screw it and the tears came.

I cried for losing my home knowing I'll never be able to go back - knowing nothing will ever be the same - feeling estranged in this country but disconnected from the country I called home the longest. I cried for losing Jessica knowing how young she was and just starting her family. Knowing she had so much more to give and she would never watch her son grow up. Longing for the fun times in high school and just to talk to her again. I cried for losing my grandpa knowing that I would never hear his voice again and he would never call us "the babiessss" ever again.

Why does our society frown on grief? Why are we just supposed to get up and get over it? Because crying is a sign of weakness? That's bologna. I use to get made fun of in elementary and high school for being too emotional and I acted like a baby and I cried too easily. Screw all of that! It's healthy to cry and its healthy to let the tears wash away the pain.

Why is it so uncomfortable for others to deal with raw emotions? It's not like emotions are taboo. Every human being has the capability to show emotion and some express it a lot more freely than others. I use to express my emotions freely and then I was shunned for it because the way I was expressing myself was uncomfortable to those around me.

I cannot and will not live to appease others. If I'm doing something morally wrong by having a bad freaking day, show me how it's wrong. Show me how I'm in the wrong for hurting. Show me how I'm in the wrong for wanting something better. Don't lecture me. Don't yell at me. Don't shun me. Don't abandon me. We all can get prickly sometimes, but there is still water flowing deep within. And its OK to let it out.

White Rabbit Syndrome

I must admit, my moods have been nothing but good lately! However, I still feel rushed and tired....oh so tired! I never feel like I stay caught up. I always feel two steps behind with the rest of the world. It's like I'm perpetually in White Rabbit mode, running late no matter what I do or where I go.

I had a discussion about this with my father one time. He says its my personality, but I think it has to do with the cultures I grew up in, too - probably emphasized what was already there. Both Bahrain and the Azores are cultures that view times as polychronic not monochronic. If you go here you can look at definitions for both and see which category you fall into. Also, if you go here you will be able to read a little bit more in depth about what the differences are between polychronic and monochronic type people.

Anywho, I definitely fall into the category of polychron but live in this American culture of: must be at "x" place on time, people will be mad at you if you don't follow through with plans made, get in and get out, get the job done and make sure the door is closed when you do it, etc! UGH!! I don't operate like that at all!!! If I see someone on the side of the road on my way to work, I want the opportunity to pull over and help them without being punished because I wasn't at work on time. I know there are things that I can learn from a monochronic personality...trust me, both my parents are and I'm married to one too! However, I think there is a lot you can learn from a polychronic personality as well.


I use to feel guilty for the way that I am. For canceling plans, for ALWAYS running late, for starting one project and then getting distracted, for the looks and the disappointments. But I'm here to say that I don't find TIME to be of utmost importance. I find PEOPLE to be the most important thing in my life! I hate feeling rushed anywhere. It causes anxiety and stress like going to see the queen or something! Oh got to get to the doctors appointment right away. To do what? Sit and wait?? It's all on their time anyway. I could have been watering plants or playing with my animals or talking to a friend while I sit in the waiting room twiddling my thumbs.

The nice thing about polychronic personalities - if you can get past the stress of always running late - is that you're introduced to opportunities and people you may not have had or met if you had been so focused on the time or job at hand.

A word of advice for monochrons. Yes, I know its a pain in the tooshie to have people cancel on you all the blessed time BUT if they end up doing something with you, that means they like you! If you're annoyed that they're always running late...the more important thing to look at is they actually showed up! If they didn't want to give you their time, they wouldn't have come at all! It's just twisting your perspective a little bit.

For now, though, I must deal with the White Rabbit Syndrome in a very monochronic culture.