Internationalization in American Universities

The struggles I faced with repatriation into the United States just strengthen my passion to go into international education and promote the need for internationalization in our higher institutions and then hopefully within our communities.

According to a couple of articles I’ve read, internationalization in higher ed is seen as a positive. However, not many educators can provide a substantial amount of data to support WHY it is so positive. The International Association of Universities (IAU) releases an annual report called the Global Survey Report on Internationalization in Higher Education. From their most current report released, the following have been noted as the top reasons or the importance for internationalization.

“Worldwide, the top five reasons for internationalizing an institution are, in order of importance, to improve student preparedness; internationalize the curriculum; enhance the international profile of the institution; strengthen research and knowledge production; and diversify its faculty and staff.”

Maybe I’m a wee bit bias and I haven’t been in the industry that long, but I get rather annoyed that higher education loves the idea of diversity. They love the idea of bringing in as many international students as possible. But why? I don’t see the reasoning behind American institutions desire for international students beyond the want to build up their industry. More international students = more money for the institution. In his article “Wanted: Foreign Students,”Schacter (2007) explains that “These students and their families contribute more than $13 billion a year to the American economy, much of it in the form of tuition“. If I felt institutions wanted to promote diversity for the sake of internationalization and not JUST because monies from foreign students bring in big bucks for the economy, I wouldn’t have such an issue.

So…here is my own personal reasoning for the importance of internationalization.

It is in all of our best interest to recognize that our world is becoming smaller. No, not smaller in the sense that there are less people on the surface of the earth, but smaller in the fact that our communication abilities are faster and increasingly globalized. I get that I grew up overseas, but I NEVER thought I would hear from or speak to the majority of my international friends again once I moved state-side. Facebook has opened a door of communication and allowed me to keep in contact with my childhood friends who are now spread far and wide across the world!

Due to the fact that our world is becoming smaller, and the fact that all cultures share one thing in common – this earth – why wouldn’t it be in our best interest to learn to interact with those from around the world? Why wouldn’t it be in our best interest to open our minds to differences?

This is where being a TCK has given me bounds and leaps of opportunities to interact, learn to understand, and appreciate differences across the nations. I am still learning and I hope to never stop learning!! I love the idea of internationalization. I just hope American universities want to incorporate their idea for the right reasons and not just for monetary gains. It will take time and it will take effort. I hope to become part of the learning process for these universities, though.

Cathartic Realizations

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching as of late. This is something I do a lot, but I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere – that I’m getting some answers – that things are beginning to click.

I’ve been participating in a research study about TCKs and their college experience and it has shed so much light for me. Answering the questions brings things I’ve been trying to hide from and stuff away and forget to the forefront. I had a great time at college before my parents left the Azores. Even though I didn’t interact with international students and I stuffed my abroad experiences away because my peers couldn’t relate or understand, I still was able to develop and maintain friendships.

After my parents left the Azores, life became a blur for me. I had no home anymore. I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t go home. I was stuck in a country that I only considered a place to come to during the summer time. My experiences in the states consisted of traveling and little bits of TV here and there. I didn’t know what was popular. I didn’t know what was normal. I became incredibly alienated and anxiety and fear took over me.

Nobody knew that I was struggling with adjustment issues. Why would they? I had been in the states for two solid years going to school, happy as a lark (to an extent). My anger issues started arising as soon as I got to school because I had to deny big chunks of who I was.

The following are answers to some research questions I’ve been asked. My answers have been one of the most painful, yet cathartic realizations I’ve had in six years.

Explain the situation leading up to you leaving school for a while and eventually transferring. What spurred that decision? Why did you decide to leave? How did you make that decision? What did your friends, family, professors and/or advisers think? Were they supportive? Did you experience feelings of restlessness leading up to that decision? Even after leaving school and then re-enrolling, did you experience restlessness? What made you decide to return?

This was a very difficult time for me and something I’m still trying to overcome to this day. My parents left the Azores the summer before my junior year. It wasn’t until I went to visit them at Christmas time that things started to sink in for me. Germany, where my parents now live, was not my home. I didn’t have a home. I didn’t know where I was from. Every other summer and/or Christmas I would go home and then we would come back to the states to spend time together. I still had a place to go back to that was familiar and safe.

After the Christmas break, I started having a lot of anger issues. By the end of the semester, I ended up having a complete meltdown. Neither I, nor my parents understood what was going on. They switched my plane ticket to come “home” to Germany sooner than I was supposed to. They took me to see a doctor on the military base who diagnosed me with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) since it seemed these anger issues and mood swings arose the week before menses. I was put on a mild antidepressant to help alleviate the symptoms. During the summer, my boyfriend broke up with me after being together for two years and I started having an incredibly difficult time functioning in school. I slept all the time. I missed classes. I asked my doctor to switch my medication because I couldn’t function in school. This is when I switched my major to a double major in music and psychology.

The winter semester of 2006 is quite a blur to me. I started having anxiety attacks all the time. I was switching medicines every couple of months. I was in and out of the ER 10 times alone that year. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and my family was so far away. My peers began to be frightened of me and started claiming I was demon possessed. My advisor and professors I looked up to came down on me with tough love. They stated that it only took a couple of minutes to pray and read my bible. They claimed if I had enough faith, then I would be healed. That didn’t help to feel safe or to feel I had support. I started to feel that there was something very wrong with me. My peers began to withdraw from me and I began to withdraw from them. I finished out the semester with good grades, although I have no idea how. I took the summer off and went to visit my new boyfriend’s family (now my husband) up in Ohio. I tried to begin the fall semester, but I was so embarrassed and still not functioning well that I ended up withdrawing in October 2006. I had obtained a part time job at a bank and decided to work full time while I tried to get things figured out. I attempted to start school again in January 2007, but withdrew after only a couple of days. I didn’t feel like I fit in at all anymore. .

My husband and I got married July 2007 and, again, I had planned to return to school because it was important to me to finish my education. I decided since my family was so far away, it would be better to move to Ohio to be close to his family. We moved up to Ohio in January 2008. I actually enrolled in Regent University’s psychology program online, but I wanted to be around people. So, I didn’t even stay for a total of two weeks before withdrawing. I was working as a teller and my trainer was talking about Hiram’s Weekend College. I remember two of my good friends from high school going to Hiram College, so I looked into it.

What do you think it was about your parents leaving the Azores that triggered such a deep emotional response?

It was my home. It was a place of safety and a place I identified as part of me. I was able to go home my first two years of college. I flew back home for Christmas and at the beginning of the summer time because school always let out earlier for me than it did for my parents. I all of a sudden didn’t feel safe and I didn’t know where I belonged. It was a scary experience.

Do you know if any of the personnel that worked with you through your depression have any experience dealing with Third Culture Kids?

None of them had any experience. I was diagnosed with a lot of different things from PTSD to having cluster headaches to being Bipolar NOS to having Major Depression to having a Mood Disorder NOS. Nobody took into account the way I grew up. I remember working with one counselor who claimed the way I grew up wasn’t reality. That really messed with my head, to say the least! Needless to say, I don’t seek out many professionals to help me anymore. I’ve had a lot more success researching on my own even though it’s probably taken longer. The doctor I am working with now is married to a German lady and is the first one to tell me that part of my issues stem from the way that I grew up.

Do you think the way that your professors (and/or friends) treated you with "tough love" was helpful or hurtful to you in your situation? Did anyone tell you there wasn't anything wrong with you or that you were just struggling with adjustment/transition?

It was absolutely hurtful. I felt lost and confused and by not having anyone that seemed to want to care really pushed me into isolation. Nobody told me anything of the sort. Nobody had a clue that I was struggling with adjustment/transition. I didn’t even realize it.

So, here I am six years later after all this mess happened. Finally able to face what actually happened to me. Finally able to look back and realize the majority of the poems I write about consist of loneliness, hurt, sadness, alienation…all the things I’ve been feeling and experiencing since this traumatic event.

Now I begin to wonder…do I have a Mood Disorder? Do I have PMDD? Will all the pain and anger I've been carrying around magically disappear or will it continue to haunt me? Or have I just been waiting for someone to tell me that there is nothing wrong with me…I just had a difficult time adjusting? I think I still do have PMDD because I had a difficult time with that in high school, but it became much worse after this stressful event. At this point, I don’t know. I guess only time will tell.

10-Year Grieving Process

I never cried when it seemed appropriate. I didn’t cry when I left Bahrain. I didn’t cry when I left the Azores. In fact, I was relieved because I had a very bad couple of experiences on my way back to the island for the last time. Maybe it was a way to help me through the process. If I was mad that would cover up the sadness. That’s often how my depression shows its face – through anger.

I’ve only been to a handful of funerals in my time and I don’t know how to grieve. I think that’s one reason why I have such emotional outburst during PMDD. It has to come out sometime and I’ve been harboring a lot of pain, a lot of emotion for quite a long time.

I have been trying to survive for so long. I have been trying to stay afloat and not drown in the seemingly endless amounts of emotions that overtake me month after month. Now that I’m not in survival mode anymore, I’m beginning to find out who I am again…or rather, who I am now. Our past will always be a part of us, but I don’t want to stay stagnant in the same place forever. I don’t want to sit wishing upon wishes that my life could be the way it used to be because by doing that I’m missing out on so much that is going on right now.

I’m grateful for the experiences and the life I’ve had. I’m so blessed to have grown up overseas and met the awesome people I have. I have so much more to look forward to.

I’m not slow and I’m not dumb, but it has taken me 10 years to recognize that I had a difficult time acclimating back to the United States, my passport county. It has taken me a long time to realize that I have been lonely and upset because I lost people that I considered close to me. I’ve grown distant. I’ve shut myself off. I use to be a very touchy-feely person. Always giving hugs and cuddling with my roommates. We need that from each other. We need each other. People need people. My faith has been tested big time, but I’m still growing. I’m still adapting. I’m still learning. I’m still sensitive. I’m just a heck of a lot more knowledgeable now and not groping for answers in the dark. This awareness won’t necessarily enable others to “get it”, but that’s ok. I’m beginning to have confidence in me. I’m beginning to heal. I’m beginning to live my life the way I was intended to.

I will still have bad days, I guarantee it. I will still have days that I cry and it may seem like for no reason…but deep down I’ll understand that it’s probably for multiple reasons.

I’m grateful for my tears because my body needs a release. I’m grateful for my pain because it’s validation that the life I lived was real…that I am real….that I feel and exist. I’m grateful for my experiences because they are making me into the person that I am. I'm grateful for the grieving process, no matter how long it takes....and it takes everyone a different amount of time and down a different path.

I feel like I'm finally ready to begin living my life.

Serve

I'm not feeling well today. I feel like so much of me...who I was doesn't exist anymore. I say that I'm not from the states, yet I don't feel cultural at all nor do I feel American. It's like I exist in this in between stage - this limbo.

I do get tired of the depressed feelings. I do get tired of not being able to maintain the happiness that happens to befall upon me.

I'm bored and I'm restless. I need a change. I've been going to school for way too long. I've been feeling "stuck" for way too long and it's sucking what little bit of life there is left out of me.

My goal is to genuinely try to focus on others. To genuinely listen and take in what others are saying either verbally or non-verbally. I want to get the most out of my experiences rather than continue to wait around for things to change because by doing that, I'm letting this short life slip away day by day, moment by moment.

My goal is to genuinely pour out love to others in ways that they need - not in ways that I need. I've often heard that by giving to others, it helps one become less focused on self and feel a greater purpose. I'm ready for my greater purpose and if all it is is to give others a smile or a hug, I'm ready.


Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. ~ Philippians 2:3-4

Developmental Change

For so long, I’ve viewed being a TCK – someone with no roots – as a negative, when in fact there are a lot of positive attributes associated with my ability to be flexible, malleable, pliable.
Society has a tendency to look at something and/or someone and label them with one name. The “naughty boy,” the “happy couple, the” alcoholic,” the ”emotional girl,” etc. When we do that, it connotes stagnation; it doesn’t imply the ability to ever learn from our past mistakes or change.

Being a TCK has allotted me the opportunity to interact with people from a multitude of different cultures. I’m talking cultures from different countries, but also cultural differences within one country. Culture can even be described as the differences between men and women.

I would like to pride myself on being someone who is at a stage in development and someone who is always willing and able to mold, shift, change, become, and thrive with whatever the world throws at me. I’ve been so focused on not fitting in and meshing with the American culture that I’ve been blinded to the positivity growing up overseas has given me.

From now on, I will try to see people for who they are: living, changing, ever-growing human beings. We all have the chance and opportunity to learn from our past and become who we want to be and for that, I’m truly grateful to be a TCK; to allow myself to developmentally change and blossom.

Global Citizen

There is a lot that I'm learning and beginning to accept about myself. I think I always knew a lot of these things, but when I moved to the States....everything I did - everything I was became wrong.

I've come to recognize and accept that most people do not talk about cultural things or even really acknowledge the existence of their own culture in everyday life. Being a TCK doesn't really warrant you that opportunity. It becomes second nature to be inquisitive and interested in most all things culture latent.

That being said, I'm curious if other TCK's are this way:

I have a hard time telling others what I think. More specific, I have a hard time developing an opinion about much of anything. This is a phenomenon that seems to be more prevalent the older I become.



When I was younger, as I'm sure it is for the majority of people from any culture, I grasped onto my parent's culture. They are Christian. They are educators. My mom is from the south so we had cornbread and black-eyed peas for New Year's eve. My dad is from the north so we always had to have a pastie when we went up to the U.P. (Upper Peninsula of Michigan). I know those are only a few things that I'm naming and a lot had to do with food, but hopefully you get my point. I've mentioned this in other posts, but I was drawn to the stories my parents would tell longing for the day that I could live in the States and participate in a similar lifestyle. I dreamed of having a family and being a career woman. Oddly enough, I never dreamed about traveling much. I had set in my mind that I was an American and that I was going to live a very similar lifestyle that my own parents did.

They say that TCK's go through a delayed adolescence. I see the truth in that. It's been a long time coming and I'm still discovering who I am. Perhaps that's why I'm attracted to all things personality...but even more than that - I think it's a TCK trait.

We are very good at observing our surroundings. We don't often give our opinions right away because we want to discover what the "norm" is and that "norm" has changed so often in our lives that, as stated earlier, it becomes second nature. We want to figure out who you are before we allow ourselves to jump in.

I use to think being a chameleon was a sign of being untrue to oneself, but I'm slowly realizing the positive value in my capabilities. I have the ability to understand a wide variety of people with little to no judgement. I have a want to understand who people are and their backgrounds.

Yes, it becomes lonely when you're the only one asking questions. Yes, it becomes confusing when you're only learning about other people and not taking the time to discover who you really are. Many TCK's struggle with identity and rootlessness and it's very understandable. I believe those things have contributed greatly to my depression and PMDD. However, I'm accepting that this IS part of my identity and there is nothing wrong with it. It feels odd to not fully immerse yourself in one culture. People look at you funny or can't always understand or want to understand, but the beauty is that we are true global citizens. We are not closed off to one way of being. We are mailable, flexible, ever-learning people.

For once in my life I can say I'm proud of where I've been. I'm proud of who I've become and I'm looking forward to this continued journey!